This quarter has been a challenging quarter. I've been doing new things, continuing with crazy schedules, and relearning old ways. Classes are challenging but not impossible; lots of thinking is involved in each one. I picked up viola again, thinking that it would be nice to try it out again, hoping to make a few more connections in my brain. When I first started, it was crazy how much I couldn't remember. Finally after the first couple lessons, things started to pick up a bit.

During each lesson I start to tense up a bit but as the lesson continues, the tensing seems to really affect my performance. Dr. Davis, my teacher, tells me to tap my left thumb against the neck of the viola. It catches me off guard each time she asks me to do this but each time it causes the tension in my arm and wrist to just go away. The simple motion of wriggling my thumb loose disperses the tension and stress away. It is important to derail stress before it derails your plan or career. So much seems to run on simply driving ahead but it is important to break the cycles of tension that build up over time: yearly breaks, weekly breaks, daily and even every couple of hours it is good to break the cycle of tension that screws tighter and tighter, stripping us of our good times, sleep, and drive to excel.

amazing new concepts.....

This week I have decided to cut my arm off.

Ok maybe not literally but I restricted my use of Facebook considerably which is about the same thing. Now I needed something to work on that isn't so time consuming so I opened a Twitter account. It is really quite amazing. You should go do it now. In fact, I'm going to end my blog so you won't feel guilty about leaving this place right now... www.twitter.com

ps. my twitter name is zchgtly. Tweet me!

drip, drop

Laying in bed with my electric heating pad and comforter, listening to the rain is one of my favorite pastimes. The smell of clean air floats in, washing the room of the smell of my roommate's cooking. Unfortunately, that is not the only thing than seems to be washing away. As I lay here, thinking about life, I realize that I don't hold tight to relationships. Sure, I call my mom and sister weekly, chat with some friends from high school or my first university a couple times a month, and others about once a year.

Moving always has its difficulties: different bed, strange people, and new routines. The new things aren't necessarily the difficult ones: what to do with old friends? What level of connection is needed to keep the relationship alive without compromising new relationships? Friends are just difficult sometimes. There really is no good general analogy as to how friends affect your life. Sure, they are like bras or glue or pillars but what happens when the glue becomes brittle or the bra clasp breaks or the pillars are in an earthquake? Can it be fixed?

I have often wondered how I have kept the friends that I have with how little I seem to communicate with them. In total, I keep in contact with less than ten friends on a regular basis from the last six years (who I don't physically see regularly). At the same time, some of these friends, I feel as comfortable now as I did five years ago with them.

Here at my current school, I feel out of the loop. I know a lot of people but not a lot of people know me. A few will take the time to hear my rants and raves but I still feel out of place. There is no one who is an "inner circle" friend of mine within several hundred miles of me. It hurts to be without the warm atmosphere of a close friend, sharing ideas and a pot of tea, mulling over the past and flinging ourselves into the future. I just haven't been able to make that connection that use to come so naturally. It seems that once I get comfortable, I don't want to try to improve my situation. That is how I have felt for the majority of the this school year but now it is biting me in the butt. I should have made more and closer friends about 5 months ago but instead, here I am barely remembering some people's names. I guess I must make the best of my situation and press forward with an open mind and open arms.

The door

Trudging up the stairs of Newton Hall is really not that exciting. Smells of old carpet, sweat, and spilt laundry detergent waft through the stairwell, welcoming me home as I round the corner to pull open the heavy, metal door to my hall. Usually, I either pass someone in the doorway or no one is around and the door is already closed. But every once in a while, someone has beat me to the door, letting it close behind them before I can make it. At this point I have a only a second to make up my mind as to whether or not put my fingers in the path of the closing door or wait for it to close and then open it again. I really don’t want my fingers to get crushed by this heavy door. Sometimes there is a spacious enough gap to catch it but other times it is a close call as to whether or not there is enough space. Either way I am able to through the doorway to my hall but in that split second of decision, I decide to take the chance or to wait.

During a graduation ceremony, a speaker once said that ten words, ten syllables, and twenty letters could chance a life from a trickling stream to a ranging river. This simple sentence has the power to let one lead a life of worth: “If it is to be, it is up to me.” This sounded selfish to me when I heard it. What about God, family, and friends? Well they won’t do everything for me. Action is needed on my part to live my life. I need to choose my course of action and follow through with it. These choices will come with risks, ones that carry more weight than a heavy, metal door. Without risk, there is no reward. It seems simple and I wish it was.

Good-bye winter quarter

The quarter is winding down as tests and papers continue piling up. The weather is starting to clear up but without notice will rain. I laid in my bed this morning listening to the rain, I did not want to get up to study for the organic chemistry test or write a paper on Sachenhausen work camp. I did get up and completed the test but I still have plenty more to keep me busy before going

home for spring break.

I planned to do so many new things this quarter: run regularly, read more, study more, and get a 4.0 this quarter, just to mention a few. I did read and st

udy more, though I didn’t quite make the 4

.0 mark. I learned a lot more about life this quarter, though. I better planned out my course of study, I make more friends, I ate healthier, and I found out what I really enjoy.

Two things that I must have in order to stay sane are water and sun. Either hot or cold, just the presence of both makes me happy. Water in any form will do: snow, rivers, lakes, the ocean, tap, spring, or rain.

While taking a shower I realized that I have not gone swimming since September. I was shocked! Wherever I end up living, I will need to be near a body of water even if it is a pool!

The sun has been just barely poking out these last few days in be

tween the torrents of rain and clouds. As it rolls out from its gray blanket, the sun lets me know that summer is coming. My skin shows that I haven’t had much sun and it soaks up all the color it can. With no mission tropical destination for spring break, I’ll just grow whiter and whiter. Soon though, the sun will be out permanently.

The sun gives me hope in the cycle of life. I will finish this quarter fine, I will complete my second year of college. I will graduate and attend grad school. I will get married and have kids. The cycle continues as long as I keep my eyes focused on the end. A teacher told me once, “If it is to be, it is up to me.” We must make decisions about our life and follow through the plans as best we can.

new place

In the beginning was.....GOD.

That can only be the best way to start. This is a start of something new and prospective. I will change the world, but that can only happen if God is there in the beginning.

So here's to new starts and change!

OPAH!